this week I was chatting with someone. I came to want to write this text, but without knowing where to start.
Many parents will recognize themselves here, we often say that it does not look so bad. I often say, when the child leaves the cliche of autistic fifties, it's not that bad!
I'm often told that it looks good to go with Tommy. It is a happy child, smiling, laughing. He starts trying to talk more. He does not complain of practically nothing. It follows him everywhere without saying anything, he does not many crises.
I can say somehow we are lucky and blessed with son. It could be worse right?
is the observation that some people do. Yet between appearances and reality, the requirement of everyday life, there's a big margin.
All parents of children (NT, PDD or other) will agree that raising a child, even the wisest and most obedient of all is anything but easy.
is demanding, physically and psychologically. We learn our parenting daily at the same time our children go through stages one after the other, leaving us scarcely time to breathe and celebrate the final victory.
Parents of children in "terrible two" will tell you. We spend the intense phase of the "terrible two years," All Aboard in toilet training is just one or should think about changing the child's bed, you breathe a little help and the child falls into a small crisis of affirmation of three years at the same time that the phase of protracted why. Subsequently the pre adolescent crisis of four years taking in, we think it settles and oupsss school entry and challenges come in leaps and bounds with a child who brings the "mania" and bad habits of friends by Thinking the king of the house!
I'll stop there, every parent knows that it goes up .... until when?
Well, if you do understand that raising a child is already a big challenge for all parents (and what is not said as a complaint but an observation), you understand the fact why even be told, we parents of different children, it's not that bad in the end it may be angry, hurt.
The discussion this week led me to explain that yes in fact appear, and the reality is true that Tommy is not so bad if we want to begin to compare, but it does not remove the challenge of bringing up a child + the challenge of educating a disabled child.
Tommy is a child smiling, happy, laughing, but it is also a child like any other which has sometimes just "no desire". Not want to stop the activity, do not want to listen to a broadcast on television X, do not want to take his medication for his ear infection, do not want to eat ... not want to drink the glass of water was offered. That's the challenge of the parent of every day. By cons, we add the challenge understanding. We can forget the "son, you can resume your work later," the "is your sister's turn to choose the TV show", "must take medication to cure it is important." We saw the challenges of education of the child "normal" with an extra which can sometimes give headaches! We see a child crying bitterly because he needs to complete an activity knowing that it probably does not even why. It has trouble with him, while having to do our job as parents.
Tommy is not so bad. He made tremendous progress so for people who do not live daily life, it's nice to see. "You should be happy, it's better, it's getting better." Of course we're happy, encouraged, but the progress is more, the greater the requirement in our role as parents / parents of an autistic child increases. Progress comes with biggest challenges. A psychological need stronger. For example, communication. A child who asks for nothing, it's pretty simple. He played in his corner, did not ask to drink, eat, play. A child who learns to ask for things, you know, this is not always restful. "I want Mamannnnnnnnn ....." (I need not say more, you know !!!). Progress communication leads to this challenge as a parent. The child asks, and must also learn to be told no, wait ... And we are added to the challenge "I ask but I do not understand that I must wait, we can not tell me." I lost count the number of times in a day when I am pulled by the arm, or that I'm asking, "Mommy I want xhsysy .... Now I have to play the guessing game, I manage VERY frequent requests plus a child who does not understand that I am before a round hot to cook dinner. I see a sad little man in front of a refusal, because he just does not the concept. He must learn that I can not say no. Of course it includes the "NO", but it does not really understand why he is denied something he has tried so hard to ask. Tonight he was crying. He asked me a chocolate biscuit, then two, then three ... and he wept bitterly, but it is not yet at the stage of understanding why he can not have another cookie.
Behind progress there is still the autistic child. The little guy who can sing and turn on itself several minutes. The little boy who could easily lose out. The little boy in a winter day in the house alternates between align, rotate, apply, align, ask, ask, ask, but ask what? He did not even know himself, stunning even by the fact his parents.
People are often proud to see all the progress and tell us. "Wow, it's fun, things are going well, he is progressing well. "But I question whether they realize how each advance brings new challenges larger and sometimes more exhausting. We might even appear at the limit for parents dissatisfied, not grateful and yet this is not the case. We are proud of our child, we are pleased to see progress, but the adjustment that comes with enormous energy demand.
*** I did not write this text under the blow of a depression. I think many parents will recognize. ***
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